Arrived home to discover Suspicious Virus has plagued Pallaci Household. Apparently, Eldest is first victim. Rest of family sitting ducks to unknown Suspicious Virus. Little information about virus exists:
1. Attacks living hair follicles, specifically those on or surrounding eyebrow area.
2. Creates awkward patches of balding areas.
3. Tell-tale area of infection indicated by appearance of stubble.
4. Cause of infection is unknown.
Eldest could only offer minimal assistance with figuring out cause of Suspicious Virus. Explanations offered include: eyebrow simply disappearing on its own accord; inexplicable, stealthy assault from unknown enemy while sleeping in class; and hitting head, thus causing hair to vacate follicles. All that Eldest is entirely sure of is that Eldest "didn't do it."
Offers to take Eldest for medical care: rejected. Explained that treatment should be given considering Eldest may have sustained hit to head, which may have caused concussion. Indicated to Eldest that memory is clearly affected, which points to concussion. Again, Eldest rejected offer for medical treatment.
At dinner, instructed Middle Child to remain at a distance from Eldest to avoid transmission of Suspicious Virus. Middle Child amused by Eldest's condition. Middle Child showed lack of empathy and sympathy for Eldest's failing health. During discussion of possible medical treatments, Toddler put feet on table edge. Toddler slowly straightened legs, which caused Toddler's chair to push away from table. Instructed Toddler to cease and desist from pushing chair away from table. Toddler simply stated, "I didn't do it." Shock and horror at the realization that the Suspicious Virus plaguing Eldest has found its way to Toddler. Worst nightmare. Pray that rest of family, and remaining eyebrows, will be spared.
Likelihood of survival: significantly decreased
Piles of heaping B.S. delivered by Eldest: substantial
Pallacis infected: 2
Eyebrows remaining on Eldest's face: 1.5